Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about dancing in the rain
In the 1920s, Ernest Hemingway was struggling to make his mark as an author when disaster struck. He lost a suitcase containing all his manuscripts - many stories he'd polished to jewel-like perfection - which he'd been planning to publish in a book.
The devastated Hemingway couldn't conceive of redoing his work. All those months of arduous writing were simply wasted.
He lamented his predicament to friend and poet Ezra Pound who called it a stroke of good fortune! Pound assured Hemingway that when he rewrote the stories, he would forget the weak parts; only the best material would reappear. He encouraged the aspiring author to start over with a sense of optimism and confidence. Hemingway did rewrite the stories and eventually became a major figure in American literature.
"Don't pray for fewer problems; pray for more skills. Don't ask for smaller challenges; ask for greater wisdom. Don't look for an easy way out; look for the best possible outcome.
When life gives you a kick, let it kick you forward."
Cleansing ritual continues
After a month of cleansing my psysical body, my mind, my soul, I have been thrown back into the same chaos that I left. It is now time to cleanse my house. I have taken the whole concept of "clearing out old stuff" to a whole new level I can tell you that. Looks like my pathway to riddng all materialism out of my life might actually happen one day. But not today or any day in the near future. Babysteps. Everything has it's time in space.
Since return have been an emotional rollercoaster. All the energies around are so different from the ashram and it all takes getting used to. Went to lunch with a friend when getting back and almost burst into tears when he asked how I was. Sobbing I responded "I so good, really happy". He looked confused. Don't think he'll be taking any more yogaclasses off me or what do you think?
Yesterday talked to Radha on phone. Missing her so much. I mean this girl made me laugh within two minutes of having her on the phone. Relieved to hear that self is not alone feeling totally lost and emotional in "new" world that has been confronted with. Anyway, Radha's project to do puzzle for a week and avoid human encounters sounds like a plan.
Since return have been an emotional rollercoaster. All the energies around are so different from the ashram and it all takes getting used to. Went to lunch with a friend when getting back and almost burst into tears when he asked how I was. Sobbing I responded "I so good, really happy". He looked confused. Don't think he'll be taking any more yogaclasses off me or what do you think?
Yesterday talked to Radha on phone. Missing her so much. I mean this girl made me laugh within two minutes of having her on the phone. Relieved to hear that self is not alone feeling totally lost and emotional in "new" world that has been confronted with. Anyway, Radha's project to do puzzle for a week and avoid human encounters sounds like a plan.
Before and after the yoga course
Hanging by beach in ashram
Home sweet home
After travelling for over 24 hours I have arrived to a cold freezing and extremely snowy Sweden. No hot sun and sandy beaches to thrive in. No random chanting, apart from the one that I provide for myself, which I do enjoy but it's far less fun when doing it alone. No one but self to force self to do tapas . Did force self not to buy vanilla milkshake and french fries at airport. Ended up starving as hell and stomach in cramps by time I was served lovely (as if) vegetarian meal on plane. But tapas is tapas (now for those of you thinking of Spanish tapas you are way off. The tapas I'm talking about are austerities and no where near what the Spanish refer to as tapas. Just for future reference). No Radha to make me laugh. No pranayama to make me cry. No late night chattering with amazing dormgirls (who also make me laugh). And no cute yoga guy to disturb my meditationroutine.
Before leaving was assigned spiritual name. And imagine that. Radha!!! Krishnas oh so dear and beloved Radha. So Radha and Radha spent the last days in ashram as true sisters sharing devotion and love for their man (Gopala who else). Also had random people at ashram come up and ask me if I am a Krishna devotee even before name being assigned by Swami Swaropananda. Think he chose it cause mine is the only voice ( together with other Radha who also sings with whole heart and body without caring what it sounds like and what other people think) that can be heard during the Srimad Bagavatam chants. I do don't chant, I scream out my devotion :)
Had to take final exam earlier than others since left early morning when exam was supposed to be. Sanskrit was a piece of cake and I passed it easy. Am now proud Sanskrit devotee!!! (don't tell Ba, she'll make me write stuff in Sanskrit to all our Indian relatives to show what a good Indian girl her granddaughter has become). As for the rest of the exam, had to sit opposite Swami Goodlooking (who by the way has amazing smile but also stone face and does not show even the slightest ounce of whether am answering completely wrong or not).
"Ok, we are done" he says
"ok" I say, waiting for him to tell me whether I passed or not.
"Narajan will take care of what need to be sent to you" he says.
I sit on bench opposite Swami still waiting for result. He is obviously waiting for me to leave.
"So when will I find out if I passed or not" I ask very carefully (can't be too pushy with these Swamis. They are sitting on the divine knowledge)
"You will find out" he answers (me thinking, Is this the divine knowledge that he is sharing with me and am I too blond to understand it?) and then comes his huge smile. It always tends to come when he gives mysterious answers .like that. Which by the by happens alot.
Example.
Student asks during lecture "I know this is not directly related but I was wondering what effects the headstand have on the pancreas (just inventing question here just so you get the jist of it)?
Swami answers "You are right, it is not related" and then he continues with whatever he was talking about. And he always does it with is oh so charming smile that nobody can say anything.
Anyway, back home again.
Happy to see beautiful smiling Mina who threw herself round my throat. Exactly what I needed as I was close to bursting into tears and wanting to get on first plane back. Missing it alot. Missing all of it. Close eyes and see them on dock. Hear their sweet voices singing me off with Tryambakam.
I will meet them again. Sooner than later that's for sure.
As for my future Sadhana. Well we will just see how that goes. I feel inspired, that's for sure. More than inspired. I feel realised (not Brahman realised just Radha realised).
PS. And my meditation will definately progress now. Have no distractions....yet.
Before leaving was assigned spiritual name. And imagine that. Radha!!! Krishnas oh so dear and beloved Radha. So Radha and Radha spent the last days in ashram as true sisters sharing devotion and love for their man (Gopala who else). Also had random people at ashram come up and ask me if I am a Krishna devotee even before name being assigned by Swami Swaropananda. Think he chose it cause mine is the only voice ( together with other Radha who also sings with whole heart and body without caring what it sounds like and what other people think) that can be heard during the Srimad Bagavatam chants. I do don't chant, I scream out my devotion :)
Had to take final exam earlier than others since left early morning when exam was supposed to be. Sanskrit was a piece of cake and I passed it easy. Am now proud Sanskrit devotee!!! (don't tell Ba, she'll make me write stuff in Sanskrit to all our Indian relatives to show what a good Indian girl her granddaughter has become). As for the rest of the exam, had to sit opposite Swami Goodlooking (who by the way has amazing smile but also stone face and does not show even the slightest ounce of whether am answering completely wrong or not).
"Ok, we are done" he says
"ok" I say, waiting for him to tell me whether I passed or not.
"Narajan will take care of what need to be sent to you" he says.
I sit on bench opposite Swami still waiting for result. He is obviously waiting for me to leave.
"So when will I find out if I passed or not" I ask very carefully (can't be too pushy with these Swamis. They are sitting on the divine knowledge)
"You will find out" he answers (me thinking, Is this the divine knowledge that he is sharing with me and am I too blond to understand it?) and then comes his huge smile. It always tends to come when he gives mysterious answers .like that. Which by the by happens alot.
Example.
Student asks during lecture "I know this is not directly related but I was wondering what effects the headstand have on the pancreas (just inventing question here just so you get the jist of it)?
Swami answers "You are right, it is not related" and then he continues with whatever he was talking about. And he always does it with is oh so charming smile that nobody can say anything.
Anyway, back home again.
Happy to see beautiful smiling Mina who threw herself round my throat. Exactly what I needed as I was close to bursting into tears and wanting to get on first plane back. Missing it alot. Missing all of it. Close eyes and see them on dock. Hear their sweet voices singing me off with Tryambakam.
I will meet them again. Sooner than later that's for sure.
As for my future Sadhana. Well we will just see how that goes. I feel inspired, that's for sure. More than inspired. I feel realised (not Brahman realised just Radha realised).
PS. And my meditation will definately progress now. Have no distractions....yet.
