Breakdown Breakthrough
I felt this morning in Pranayamaclass that something was different. I started feeling that I couldn't get air and felt panic inside. After class, sitting in Satsang, tears starting running down my cheaks, in an orderly and quiet fashion of course. Yoga class followed and everyone was doing Patchimotanasana, the forward bend. To most it is a fairly simple pose and for most can be held without really feeling any real discomfort. This position is my greatest enemy. I can easily get down into it but holding it for a lengthy period of time is agony. The teacher helps me come down further and I am now lying with my face buried in between my knees grasping for air, panicking, feeling anguish. "This is a position of surrender" she says.
It's funny how one can go through life convincing not only others that you're happy and strong and that you don't really need anyone but yourself, to the point where you actually believe it yourself.
I surrendered. I burst out crying and tried my best to do it in, as I said above, an orderly and quiet fashion. Not possible. I had to run out of the class, tears pouring out from every possible exit place and I totally surrendered to all my feelings that have been blocked, pushed down, hidden and not talked about. It wasn't crying. It was screaming it all out in tears. It has left me cleansed but feeling a bit vulnerable still. In a good way. It's the beginning of something new.
This is the beauty of the course. It's a psysical, emotional, psychological and spiritual detox and the outcome already feels amazing.
It's funny how one can go through life convincing not only others that you're happy and strong and that you don't really need anyone but yourself, to the point where you actually believe it yourself.
I surrendered. I burst out crying and tried my best to do it in, as I said above, an orderly and quiet fashion. Not possible. I had to run out of the class, tears pouring out from every possible exit place and I totally surrendered to all my feelings that have been blocked, pushed down, hidden and not talked about. It wasn't crying. It was screaming it all out in tears. It has left me cleansed but feeling a bit vulnerable still. In a good way. It's the beginning of something new.
This is the beauty of the course. It's a psysical, emotional, psychological and spiritual detox and the outcome already feels amazing.
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